Ask me no Questions, I will tell you no lies
by cindella
Summary: Kitty feels like she has more secrets than she can cope with, Kurt has even more secrets than her and they are too wrapped up in their own lives to see what each other's problems are. Kurtty. CHAPTER 3 NOW UP! YAAAY!
1. Chapter 1

1

Never leave an elf alone with an ice cream

Kurt was lying on his bed reading a comic. All was peaceful. His roomie was on a date, his stomach was full and the graphic novel was a work of art. But his mind wasn't really on the comic book in his hands. He was thinking about other things… namely, the girl who usually slept in the room above him.

Kitty was, at this moment, at the mall, with her boyfriend Lance, a.k.a. Avalanche of the Brotherhood. He made Kurt feel… well… uncomfortable. For Kurt to know that his best female friend was with a boy who could, and **would,** kill at times, was slightly unpleasant to say the least.

"Dammit," said Kurt under his breath. "I'm never going to finish this comic." He turned over to sit on the edge of his bed, throwing the comic onto the floor in frustration. Then he reached over and switched on his radio.

"_I'd do anything_… _just to hold you in my arms_…" Kurt swore and switched stations.

"_She doesn't know who I am_… _And she doesn't give a damn about me_… _Coz I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby_…" Kurt swore again.

"_Staring out, at the rain, with a heavy heart… it's the end, of the world, in my mind… then your voice pulls me back, like a wakeup call…" _And again.

"_I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world…" _

"AARGH!" screamed Kurt. "Zhis is just TOO MUCH!" He bamfed to Rogue and Kitty's room and banged on the door.

"ROGUE!" he yelled, thumping the door with his fists. "OPEN UP! I NEED TO BORROW ONE OF YOUR CDs! Hang on a minute… I don't need you to open up…"

He teleported into the room, right on top of Rogue.

"AARGH! Get offa meh, fuzzball!"

"Ouch. Zhat hurt. Now can I borrow vone of your CDs? I'm bored of zhe Beatles."

"I thought the day would never come."

Kurt looked up from where he was flicking through Rogue's CD rack. "Uh huh. Got anyzhing ozher zhan Marilyn Manson and Eminem?"

"Ah didn't say that you could use one o' mah CDs, did ah?"

"No. But I'm sick of zhe Beatles, and all zhat is on zhe radio is lovesick boy bands and songs about Barbie."

"Well, boo hoo for you. Whah don'cha just go stuff yer face with ahce cream or whatever blue fuzzy brothers do?"

"Vell, okay, if you're sure… I vill tell whoever tells me off for eating too much zhat if vas your idea."

"Go away."

"Certainly." BAMF Kurt left Rogue sitting in a cloud of red smoke.

"So… I guess this means we're through," Kitty said quietly.

"Yeah… It's just… I can't go on like this."

"Like what?" said Kitty.

"Like this," Lance said, waving his arms about. "You're obviously fixated with Kurt and you're not… not happy with me. And I want to see you happy."

Kitty didn't say anything, just threw open the door of the car and slid out.

"It's really that obvious?" she asked, leaning back in through the window.

"It's more than obvious." Then Lance revved the engine and drove away, leaving Kitty standing in the middle of the driveway of Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.

Kurt was sitting at the kitchen table with a huge tub of triple chocolate ice cream in front of him. He was in the process of digging his spoon into the carton when he heard a familiar 'fwoosh'ing sound behind him.

"Guten abend, Keety," Kurt said as his tail started swishing around behind him. "How vas your date?"

"Rubbish." Said Kitty. Kurt turned around, spoon still in mouth.

"So… you know my advice, ja?" His tail lazily reached out for the ice cream as he leaned back in his chair.

"Ja. But-"

"Break up vizh him." The spoon flipped from his mouth and into his hand, and he scooped out another blob of icey creamy goodness.

"But I don't need to."

"You don't need to… you don't need to… you don't- VAS?" Kurt spat the icecream out, spoon and all. It flew through the air and through Kitty's head before hitting the wall opposite and clattering to the floor. "You mean…"

"Yes. He, like, totally broke up with me!" And it's all because he knows that I like you better, she added silently in her head.

"YES!" cried Kurt, jumping onto the table and doing to moonwalk. (Which is a spectacular feat when your feet are covered in fur.) Kitty looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "I mean, uh, zhat's too bad," Kurt stammered. "Um, er… want some ice cream?"

11:45. A tired Scott in a pair of boxers and a singlet walked into the kitchen to get a last drink before bed. Then he stopped dead in his tracks.

Half-melted ice cream was running down the walls. 100s and 1000s covered the benches. The fridge door was open, and all sorts or food was tumbling out.

As he slowly walked through the center of the mess he saw more chaos. There was a smoosh that might have once been a tomato stuck to the back of a chair, and flour was all over the floor. It looked like the scene of a lunchtime foodfight at any normal school in the country. Times twenty.

He reached the fridge, and as he stood there, staring at the disorder, he heard a snore.

It seemed to come from the pantry, and as Scott approached it the snores got louder and louder, until it was obvious that the snores were definitely coming from the larder.

Scott threw open the doors to see… a blue fuzzy elf hanging from the top shelf, thumb in mouth. Curled up beneath him, sucking on a snickers bar, was Kitty, still wearing a miniskirt and jean jacket, chocolate smudged around her mouth.

Scott's first reaction was to stand there in shock. _Kurt sucks his thumb?_ he thought, bewildered. His second reaction was to tell somebody. Like any normal person would, if they saw their friends squeezed in a cupboard, surround by boxes of open food.

Scott began to sprint up the stairs, only to be stopped by something resembling a wall in boxers.

"Logan!" gasped Scott. "Oh my GOD, you just HAVE to see this!"

"I doubt I want to, Cyke," Logan snarled. But he followed Scott down into the kitchen, anyway.

When he saw the mess he growled softly. "Why in the helluvit-" then he saw the pantry doors flung open. "Oh," Logan said. "I guess that pretty much explains it."

Kitty had turned over on her side; making little mewing noises whenever she breathed out. At least she wasn't snoring full on like Kurt. He would breath in, his left ear would flick, and then he snorted.

"No… you can't make me… I wanna do the tightrope…" Kurt murmured under his breath, causing Logan and Scott to look at each other with raised eyebrows.

Kurt started muttering in German. "Nein! Katzchen! Don't! You'll fall!"

"Sounds like he's having a… very interesting dream," Logan said, before yelling "WAKE UP FUZZBUTT!" at the top of his voice.

Kurt promptly fell face first onto Kitty, who sat up with a gasp. "What's goin' on?" she slurred. "Kurt? Wha- oh. Hey mister Logan…"

"WHAT do ya THINK ya were DOING?"

"Ve're sorry, Mister Logan, ve-"

"You better be… you're both grounded for two weeks!"

It was about 12:45 am and Kurt and Kitty were in BIG trouble. They were in the process of trying to explain their actions to an annoyed and tired Wolverine, who didn't like being awake so late unless it was ABSOLUTELY necessary.

"We're, like, soooo sorry, it was a total accident!"

"Good. Now you two CLEAN UP THAT MESS!"

"Yes mister Logan," both the teenagers said at once, nodding their heads nervously.

§

FLASHBACK BEGINS

"Here," said Kurt, "have anozher chocolate."

"Don't mind if I do," said Kitty, a huge chocolate stain already around her mouth. "Hey! I found another ice cream carton!"

10:37 p.m., and two teenage mutants were completely and utterly sugarfied. Empty wrappers littered the floor as the hyper mutants bounced around the room.

"Hey look," Kurt announced. "Zhe pantry door is open!"

They went to the oversized cupboard and starting pulling out chocolate bars and family-sized bags of potato chips.

"Goody!" Kitty cried, diving into the larder. "Food!"

"Oh mien Gott," said Kurt. "I never zhought zhat ve vould share zhe same perspective." He jumped to the top shelf and started to stuff his face with sugar.

FLASHBACK ENDS

§

"Mien Gott, Keety, I'm so sorry," said Kurt, mentally kicking himself. "If it vasn't for me you vouldn't be down here."

"Ewwww," was all Kitty said. "How many calories did I consume? Ick, I must be, like, fat," she muttered.

Kurt wiped the tabletop down, then threw the soaking cloth into the sink. "If you zhink you're fat, mien leibling, zhen you have a lot to learn. Have you ever met Fred?"

"Blob? Yeah. But all these calories can't be good for me!" Kitty was panicking now.

"Katzchen! Calm down! It's just a bit of sugar!"

"The most fattening thing of all," Kitty muttered. Then she sighed. "Oh well, I guess I'll just have to try extra-hard in the danger room tomorrow."

Kurt cringed. He'd forgotten all about that. Jean, Kitty, Scott, Evan and himself were having a date with the danger room the next morning. With Logan, who would be grumpy from being up at 1:00 in the morning, worse luck.

Kitty picked up yat another mars-bar wrapper. She totally wished she was Jamie right now. And to tell the truth, so did Kurt. It would be so much easier if they had duplicates of themselves to help them tidy.

Kurt and Kitty retired to their beds at about half past three that morning.

"Urg," Kurt muttered. "Ich vill nicht EVER offer you an ice-cream vhen you're depressed again."

Kitty was just worried about all the calories she had eaten. "I'm going to turn to a sack of lard," she moaned as she trudged up the stairs, too tired to phase.

"Or not," said Kurt, "If what you usually eat like has anything to do with it. Guten abend, Katzchen."

"Don't you mean guten morgen?" asked Kitty sarcastically.

"Ja, ja. Guten morgen, zhen."

As she lay down in bed, Kitty Pryde vowed never to touch another piece of calory-ridden food again.

Okay, danke for reading my story… I'm pretty sure it's rubbish, if you like it then… well… thankyou! Mien stories try hard to be serious but somehow they always turn out as comedies…


	2. Random Danger Room Scene

Okay. Do I have to put a disclaimer? 'Cause I kinda forgot last time. If I do then here it is:

DISCLAIMER: I don't own X-Men Evolution. Blah blah blah. _Danke_.

So now, as Arcade (the coolest super-villain of all time) says: ON WITH THE SHOW!

2

Danger Room

"KATCHEN-VAKE-UP-NOW-OR-VE'RE-GOING-TO-BE-LATE-FOR-ZHE-DANGER-ROOM!"

"Aargh!" Kitty woke up suddenly and came face to face with an upside-down elf. "What're you doing?"

"Aah, vell, if ve're not in zhe danger room in about two minutes zhirty-seven seconds, ve vill bozh be ripped apart by mister Logan."

"I'm up, I'm up. Just don't expect me to eat any breakfast, I still feel full from last night."

"Ja ja, just hurry!"

Kitty suited up and ran in a strait line to the danger room, phasing through anything-or anyone- who got in her way.

When she got to the danger room she was surprised to find that Kurt was not there. He appeared about five seconds later with a burst of flame and the stench of brimstone, toast stuffed in his mouth.

"Gooheh morgeh eryohy!" There was some debate about what this could mean, whether it was some German word he hadn't used before or just stuffed face language. It was settled when Kurt swallowed and said again, "Guten morgen, everybody!"

"Mornin', Kurt," said Logan in a false-cheerful voice. "Glad you could make it!"

"Ja, ja, I know kitty vas only a few seconds before me, I saw her vhen she ran past zhe kitchen and zhrough Miss Munroe. So don't pretend zhat I vas zhe only late vone."

"Well, maybe you wouldn't be late if ya didn't mess the kitchen up last night!"

_How bad was it?_ asked Jean telepathically. Kitty jumped, then stared hard at Jean.

_Oh, general Kurtyness times two._

_Times two? How depressed were you to eat the same amount as Kurt?_

_Pretty depressed. It was like a 'welcome to dumpsville' party._

_So Lance…_

_Don't pretend you don't know._

_I don't know!_

_Says the one who can read minds._

Jean sighed out loud. _Alright, you want the truth? I had to scrap my homework when you started screaming._

_I didn't scream!_

_You were in you're head. And you know what else?_

Kitty shrugged, puzzled. _No._

Jean smiled sweetly at Kitty, and mouthed from across the room, "You are totally in love with fuzzbutt."

"Shut up!" Kitty said out loud.

"What did ya say?" asked Logan suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing, nothing. I swear."

"Yeah, right. Ladies, please continue your conversation after danger room."

"Sorry," squeaked both Kitty and Jean.

_You are so totally smitten with him._

_I am not!_ thought Kitty. _He's… just a friend. A very good friend._ _Like a brother._

_Yeah, kissing cousins._

Kitty chose to ignore that, instead tuning back in to the danger room instructions.

"So, basically, the session stops when you manage to reach the panic button."

Kitty looked around the room. Scott was nodding seriously. Kurt's tail was flicking gently at the end, and Evan was running a hand through his hair.

She glanced at Jean who returned the look, obviously just as confused as Kitty was. But then Jean turned back to Scott, and in a moment Kitty heard her voice in her head: _Just hit the panic button. First person who hits it, wins. Random terrain. Powers alowed._

Kitty nodded. _Roger._

And then the session started.

The floor rippled, throwing the teens back to the edge of the room. Then whole sections of floor dropped away, revealing tall hexagonal poles jutting out at different hights. Some poked out of the walls, and they all started rotating gently.

_Right,_ thought Kitty. _Time to go._ She stepped out onto the first one, which started to rise, turning her round and round. As it finished making a full rotation, Kitty came face to face with another of the poles jutting out from the wall, slamming through the air wiith the force of a rhino.

She gasped, then phased through it and jumped onto the top of it. Then she jumped onto another, stationary, pole and stood there, staring around at how the others were doing.

Jean was flying through the air, using her powers to telekinetically levitate herself. Scott was jumping from pole to pole, occasionally overbalancing but soon balancing again. Evan was running along a pole sticking out from the wall, jumping as it turned so that he would stay on top, and Kurt was using a combination of jumping and porting. He was about five feet away from Kitty, and two feet down, and then before she knew it he was right next to her.

"Katzchen, look out!"

The pole she was on dropped away from her as Kurt's fuzzy, three-fingered hand closed around her arm. There was a squeezing sensation and a burst of red, and time seemed to slow down, and then she was on the roof of the danger room, holding on for dear life to Kurt's arm, trying hard not to hurl.

She stared down in facination as another pole rammed into where she would have been if Kurt hadn't bamfed her in time.

"See, Katzchen, you should always pay attention in the danger room!" He started to crawl down the wall, flicking Kitty onto his back.

"When?" Kitty retorted. "You've never said anything like that to me- oh!"

Kurt looked down to where Kitty was looking and saw the poles retracting, the floor rippeling once more and becoming smooth and solid.

A groove started to run through the floor, and as soon as it reached the other side, more grooves dug themselves into the floor, making intricate paterns in the floor of the danger room.

And then the dips burst into flames, surrounding the mutants.

Kitty felt Kurt tense up, then start breathing hard. He whispered something in German. "Nein…" Kurt breathed over and over again. "Oh mein Gott, nein…"

Jean looked up when she heard someone screaming. Scott and Evan didn't seem to hear it, and Kurt and Kitty were nowhere to be seen, so it must have been mental. Mental screams could be louder than real screams, she knew that from experience.

Whoever was screaming in their minds weren't thinking clearly. There were images flashing through Jean's head: a pile of wood, an angry mob of people, a wall of flame… and then she heard from high above somebody yelling out loud in German. In her head she understood them loud and clear.

"No!" Yelled Kurt in German. "I'm not a demon! Please don't kill me! Mother! No, don't hurt her! No! Oh, please God, no!"

Now that Jean knew who was screaming, she searched deeper into his mind. There were a lot of pictures of Kitty, a few of Rogue, Scott, and the professor. She searched right down to before he was taken to the mansion, before his fifth birthday, before his first… and she found it.

§

Flashback Starting

The newborn boy stared up at his mothers face, changing again and again, first to a young girl, then to a tall man, and then back to his mother. The blue skin they shared gleamed on his mothers forehead, and a backdrop of fire finished the scene.

He watched as she was pulled away from him and pushed onto the flames before he started screaming, crying as loudly as he could. Cold, hard hands grabbed him by his tail and were just about to swing him onto the fire aswell, but then his mother jumped back from the flames, teeth bared in a snarl, purple-red hair growing into a dirty blond, ripping the man's arms from his body.

She changed back to his mother, snatching him out of the air as he fell, and running faster and faster to the forest.

He looked adoringly up at Mistique's face, stained with tears, before he heard her whisper "Goodbye, Kurt."

Then there was whistling sound, and all that he could see was open air, a dark night sky, and then water.

Flashback ends

§

Jean gasped, and looked back at Kurt and Kitty on the wall, Kurt frozen in place by visions only he could see. Scott and Evan had noticed as well, and were now yelling back up at Kurt.

"Kurt! Calm down! Speak English, what's wrong?"

That was answered by another round of sobbing and Kurt yelling, "No! You won't get me on that fire! No!"

Scott glanced at Evan and then back up at Kurt. "We can't understand you, Kurt! Speak English!"

Jean rushed across to Scott and Evan, filling them in on what she had just learnt.

"So… the fire's triggered a memory, like hypnosis does, that what you're saying?"

"Yes, exactly. We need to somehow put out the fire, and that may stop the visions."

Evan swore. "It's times like these you could really use Bobby, isn't it."

"Or Pyro," added Scott dryly.

In the controll room, Wolverine couldn't see what was going on. _they must be putting on a pretty darn good show,_ he thought, _or the others wouldn't be watching._

He decided that he should change the terrain, maybe give them a bit of jungle.

He reached for the controlls, but the chair he was sitting in flew back against the wall.

"Damn!" he growled. "I hate wheely office chairs!"

Back up on the wall, Kitty was trying to talk sense into Kurt. "Kurt, it's not going to hurt you. Please… talk English, tell me what's wrong!"

"They won't get you… I won't let them get you!"

"Kurt… if you just teleport out of the danger room there won't be any more fire… please!"

"Get away from her!" Kurt screamed.

Kitty looked down at the others, who were desperately trying to do the same thing she was. "Jean! Can you try to stop me from falling?" she yelled down at the older girl.

"Maybe, I'm not sure!" she yelled back up. "I don't think my telekenisis is stronge enough to hold a person!"

"I'm going to try," yelled Kitty.

"What?"

"I'm going to phase through Kurt! Please, try!"

Jean nodded. _I hope you know what you're doing, Kitten,_ she thought.

Evan stared up as Kitty screwed her eyes tight shut and phased through Kurt. "I'm sorry Kurt," she whispered as she fell through him towards the ground.

She was caught aboud halfway down by Jean's telekenesis. Jean then gently lowered her to the ground, where Kitty proceeded to run straight through the wall, messing up the danger room just as Logan was about to change the terrain again.

The fires went out. The floor went back to normal. But Kurt continued to cling to the wall for dear life.

Logan stared down at the danger room from the control room. "Why the hell isn't it working?" he said to himself.

Just then Kitty phased through the door. "Mister Logan," she gasped. "There's something wrong with Kurt."

In the danger room, Scott, Evan and Jean watched in dumb terror as Kurt let go of the wall and collapsed the 50-something feet onto the floor.

Yay, chapter 2 finito! Chapter 3 coming your way…


	3. I can't think of a title for this one

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated for so long… I was in suspended animation in the place they call SCHOOL! Sooooorrrryyy!

1:30 a.m

Kurt woke up. It was dark, and he was alone, and he remembered something that he shouldn't have. Flames, and Mistique, and somebody calling out his name crammed his head, but it was none of those.

It was something completely different. Something to do with Kitty.

He looked down at himself. His left arm was in a cast and something told him that if he'd had normal bone structure he'd have been dead.

Then he checked out the digital clock beside the table. It was one that told the time and date, and he got the hugest shock looking at it.

It was five days later than the last time he'd seen a calendar.

He realised that if the memory was real, not just a dream, he'd have a day to get out oof the house before… he didn't want to think about that.

The next morning Kitty found a note on her door.

∫∫∫

_Dear Kitty,_

_By the time you get this I will be gone. I just want you to know that the only reason I stayed at the mansion this long… well, it was you._

_I can't really remember what happened, but I can remember something now that I didn't before and now I have to go in order to protect you. _

_Tell Jamie he can have the swords above my bed. He always liked them. And Evan gets my CD collection and walkman. (I can hear him screaming now.) Everybody else gets the rest of their lives free of fuzzy elf hijinks. _

_Love, Kurt_

∫∫∫

11:20 am

Queens, Manhattan

Kurt walked through the door of the café and up to the counter. The café had some sort of cheesy, hippy-ish name, something like 'Caffeine' or 'Rainbow' or 'Savanna'. The sign above the store was red letters on a brown background, with multi-coloured swirls surrounding the name.

"Order," commanded the waitress. She was taller than Kurt, with loooong blond hair, and was wearing a denim miniskirt so small that it was in danger of flashing her (probably pink and white) knickers to the world. A cord around her neck, meant to be in the style of a backstage pass, announced 'Hi! My name is Lana!' and her face added, 'And I would rather be anywhere but here.'

"Uh," said Kurt, "I'll have… I'll have a triple chocolate hot fudge sundae with mocha sprinkles, thanks. And a chocolate-raspberry roll. And… I think I'll have an orange juice. And… a couple of gutbusters, please."

"Dude," said 'Hi! My name is Lana!', "If you eat like that all the time, you must have, like, some sort of totally strict exercise regime."

"Uh, yeah…" replied Kurt nervously. (Being in close proximity with cheerleaders does that to him.) "So… how much was that?"

"Huh?" said 'Hi! My name is Lana!'. "Oh yeah. That's a twenty. Urm… you're number 12." Which was surprising, seeing as there were only four other people in there, all sitting at the same table.

Kurt took the stand with the piece of paper saying "12!" in twirly numbers to a booth a couple of feet away from the group of teens. Since there was nothing else to do, Kurt sat back and started to do some serious people watching until his food came.

The kids looked, well, like an ordinary group of kids. There was a skinny guy with brown hair, a slightly taller guy with blond-red hair who sat like he thought he was the king of the world, a girl who looked like an anorexic version of 'Hi! My name is Lana!' and a girl with dark red hair and a pretty smile.

'Hi! My name is Lana!' came up to his table with a tray laden with food. "Um, okay, Mr. Big Order. Here's ya lunch!"

"You know," said Kurt, casually, "I zhink zhat you are crushing on me."

'Hi! My name is Lana!' turned red, then fled to the safety of behind the counter. _Heh heh heh,_ thought Kurt. _That was kinda fun…_

He was surprised when he heard a voice in his ear. "Either you're really, really depressed," said a high-pitched female voice in his ear, "or you always eat like this. So, which is it?"

"Bozh, I zhink," replied Kurt, turning around to face the anorexic version of 'Hi! My name is Lana!'

"Well, if you eat like this all the time, then you must do loads of excersize. Or does your girlfriend force you into running to school with her rather than driving?"

"Huh, I vish. I keep fit running after all zhe girls at mien boarding school who run avay every time zhey see me."

"Ooh, a boarding school," said Anorexic-Hi my name is Lana. "Fancy! I'm Gwen, by the way. Gwen Stacy. And these are my friends, Mary Jane Watson, Harry Osbourne, and Peter Parker."

The other teens sitting behind her nodded and waved. "'Sup," said the guy with the carrot top.

"Hi. I'm Ku- Kyle," said Kurt, realizing he could ruin his chances of running away if he told them his real name. "Kyle Pryde," he said, saying the first name that came into his head.

"Cool. Hey, d'ya wanna come sit with us? You look kinda lonely, sitting there all by yourself."

"Yeah, sure, fine. Vhatever," said Kurt.

"Cool," said Anorexic-hi my name is Lana. _Gwen,_ thought Kurt. _Her name's Gwen._

He walked over to sit by Gwen and her friends, balancing the remaining gutbuster, the orange juice, chocolate-raspberry roll, and the sundae on his tray. He sat down between Mr. Carrot Top (Harrythought Kurt) and Skinny-Brown-Hair guy (Peter_, Peter Peter Peter!_ thought Kurt).

"So, Kyle," said Harry. "I haven't seen you in Queens before. Did you just move?"

"Or did you run away from your boarding school," Gwen put in. _You don't know how true that is, Gwen,_ Kurt thought, swallowing.

"Actually… my family is on holiday. From Germany. Ja."

"That's pretty awesome," said Mary Jane.

"Well, ja, more awesome than you think," said Kurt, smiling. "Ve're part of a Romani circus. I vas on zhe acrobatics before I vent to boarding school." Kurt paused for a bit, letting this sink in. "Vonce I fell off zhe practice svings, vhen I vas about seven in years. Voke up a veek later vizh a killer headache."

"Wow, that's pretty awesome," said Peter. "I've always wondered what it would be like to run away and join the circus."

The others stared at him, eyebrows raised.

"What? It's true," Peter said. "When you're a geek you've got to dream!"

"Right." Said Harry.

Just then Kurt noticed a flash of brown in the window. He stared, frowning slightly. It wasn't the colour of the brown exactly; more that it was a strait, ponytailed brown attached to a head that looked surprisingly like Kitty's…

"OH mien Gott," Kurt breathed.

"Hey, what's the matter, Kyle?" asked Harry.

"Oh mien GOTT," Kurt said louder. "I've really got to go. Seriously. Ach, I don't know vhere to go… help me, please!"

The others turned to look out of the window. "What're ya so scared about, Kyle?" asked Peter.

"Mien be- my family," said Kurt hurredly. "They've found me!"

"So what's so bad about that?"

"I ran avay from zhem to meet my… um… my penpal! Ja. But he hasn't shown up… oh Gott, get me out of here…"

"Right," said Mary Jane. "Why is it so important that you don't get found by your family? You didn't really run away from your boarding school, did you?"

Kurt didn't say anything.

"Right," said Mary Jane. "Peter, Kyle will be staying in your basement tonight."

"VAS?" yelled Kurt.

"WHAT?" yelled Peter. "MJ, you can't-"

"I can and I will."

"No, Mary Jane, Peter, I'm fine, really I am. I vill just… urm… I vill be going now." He picked up his bag, stuffed the chocolate-raspberry bun into it, slurped the remains of his ice cream and ran in the direction of the toilets.

"Kyle," yelled Peter, going after him. "What are you doing? The exit's that… way…" Peter followed Kurt into the men's room, only to smell brimstone and see a cloud of red-purple smoke slowly disappearing…

At that same time, Kitty, Evan and Scott burst into the café. "Has anybody seen a guy," gasped Kitty, "Seventeen years old-"

"About yay tall," continued Evan, gesturing with his hand, "German, brown hair, holds his fingers like this," he parted his fingers in a Vulcan salute.

"Speaks with a hard accent," said Scott, "big chunky watch on."

Hi! My name is Lana! spoke up. "Oh, yeah. Mr. Big Order!"

"What exactly did he order," asked Scott slowly.

"Two gutbusters, a chocolate-raspberry roll, um, an orange juice and a triple chocolate hot fudge sundae with mocha sprinkles. Why?"

"Okay, that's him," said Kitty. "Which way'd he go?"

Hi! My name is Lana! shrugged. "No idea. Ask those kids, he was sitting with them."

Immediately Harry, Gwen and Mary Jane leaned back in their chairs and started whistling that tuneless song everybody knows, more commonly known as the 'we don't have any idea what you're talking about' song.

It probably wouldn't have worked. It was just made certain by Peter running back to the table saying, "He's gone! I followed him and there was a lot of red smoke and now he's gone!"

Harry, Gwen and Mary Jane stared at him hard.

"Huh? What'd I do?" asked a confused Peter. Then he looked up from the table at Kitty, Evan and Scott staring at each other.

"Damn! Damn, damn, damn, and a million times DAMN!" yelled Evan. "We almost had him!"

_What do you mean, 'almost,'_ a voice inside his head asked.

"Argh! Professor!" Evan shouted.

Everybody except Kitty and Scott looked at him strangely. Gwen Stacy made a little twirl beside her head with her finger.

_Professor, you startled me,_ thought Evan.

_You just missed Kurt, didn't you?_

_He ported away just before we could-_

_He teleported?_ Professor Xavier asked. _With everyone watching?_

_No,_ though Evan, _this boy ran out of the bathrooms saying that there was a lot of red smoke._

_But he didn't see the actual teleporting?_

Evan sighed thankfully. _Nope. So, d'you want us to come back to the mansion now, Professor?_

_Oh, not just yet. According to Cerebro he's about forty feet away from you right now._

Evan frowned and turned around. On the opposite side of the road, standing just behind a tree, was Kurt.

Kurt peeked around the tree and swore. Evan was looking strait at him! He turned and started to run.

"Hey! Kurt! Come back!" yelled Evan, racing across the road, closely followed by Scott and Kitty. Scott and Evan were now on the sidewalk on the other side, but Kitty was still running on the road when a car turned the corner-

And went strait through her. The driver turned around and stared at the girl still running across the road, then slammed on his brakes to avoid crashing into the car in front of him.

"Come back Kurt!" yelled Scott.

"Nein!" yelled Kurt. "Ich vill nicht come back! I can't come back!"

Scott tried to speed up. "Dude," yelled Evan. "I don't get this! Why can't you?"

"Zhere's somezhing-nien! It ist none of your business," yelled Kurt, not looking back. "Just go avay, alright?"

"Stop," whispered Kitty. "He needs to be alone."

"What?" yelled Scott and Evan together in amazement.

"You're his best friend! He's you're best friend! You're best friends! Why would you want to stop following him?"

"Well, because we're best friends, and I, like, know him and I know that he'll cool off. We can always come back tomorrow."

But that wasn't exactly Kitty's plan.

Dun dun dun… what is Kitty's plan? Why is she in danger? What was Kurt's memory? And will Kurt meet Peter Parker again? He has more relevance in the story than you may think… Next time! On Ask Me No Questions! (and I won't update if you don't review, so there.)


	4. Superhero No Longer

Finally, the fourth installment of Ask Me No Questions! Before I start, I'd like to thank Godess of Idun for FINALLY finishing Dimention17, and for defrosting my brain block.

You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you think I own the X-Men.

4

Superhero No More

The sun sank slowly over the New York skyline, turning the sky a fantastic shade of blue. Pink and purple clouds bruised the horizon as a shadowy figure sat curled on the roof of an apartment building.

Kurt curled into a ball, not unlike a cat, and tried despratley not to cry. As far as he could tell, everybody hated him, he had nowhere to go, and about enough money for a packet of pretzels. Running his hands through his hair, he pretended he was back home in Germany, lying on the bed in his caravan. Footsteps would pass by outside, the smell of cotton candy would drift through the cracked window, voices would yell. His Mamá would be laughing and Andréi would be telling jokes to a group of small children, and his adopted siblings, Stephan and Jimaine would be curled next to him. _Just the three of us,_ Kurt thought suddenly with a pang of homesickness. _Die tuefel bandïger._ The Demon Tamers. "Look at them," Stephan would be saying, "They all want to run away and join the circus."

"Look at me," Jimaine would retort quietly, "I want to run away and join real life."

"Ich werde nie Sie vergessen," Kurt murmered to himself. _I'll never forget you._

A tear traced a path down his face.

He stood up slowly. _I'm lying to myself,_ he thought. _I've been lying to myself since day one. I convinced myself that I was somehow normal, tried to forget about everything… and now life's come back and bitten me in the butt._ His hand hovered over the chunky sportswatch on his wrist and for a moment he was unsure, but then he unstrapped the holowatch. He held it limply in his hand, the contact preventing the hologram to fizzle out, then drew back and threw the machine as far as he could.

The watch flew out over the sea of people and cars hurrying along below, and Kurt thought, _I could teleport out there now… grab it before it hits the ground… keep the deception going…_ but then he shook his head and turned away. He wrapped his tail protectively around his leg, and walked away, as the watch broke into a million pieces when it hit the ground.

Still walking, he pulled the hood of his sweater up over his face. "Goodbye, X-Men," he whispered. "I hope you can understand."

And then he jumped.

§

"We're here at the exact site where three separate groups have reported seeing a demon. How would you describe this monster, ma'am?"

"_It was seven foot, easily, with blue skin and glowing yellow eyes, and a tail with a pointed tip! It had three claws on each of its hands, and walked like a monkey man!"_

"_How about you, sir?"_

"_Seven foot? Eight foot, more like it! It had long, tangled hair, and blue fur all over its body, and it walked on all fours like a cat! Its tail was five, six feet long alone, and its eyes glowed red!"_

"_Not only adults were terrorised when the monster appeared in the middle of the street in the middle of a cloud of red gas. This young lady here is only four years old. I can't imagine how horrible it must be for this little girl."_

"_He wasn't a monster. He was just a boy. He smiled at me and then disappeared again, but he didn't want to scare anybody."_

"_Um… well… she's obviously in shock! I'm Katie Leonard, and you are up to date."_

Peter Parker hopped across his basement, one foot in his Spiderman suit, struggling to put the lycra tights on. "Superman never had this trouble," he mumbled, "neither did Batman, or J'on J'ons, or Hawkgirl, or Wonderwoman." He crashed into his computer desk. "And there goes the computer, what a wonderful life being a superhero is."

"Peter?" a voice called from upstairs, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, Aunt May, don't come in, Aunt May! I'm going out to the _Bugle_, 'kay?"

"Peter, you know I don't like you going out late after what happened to Gwen's father."

"The _Bugle_, Aunt May, think of the _Bugle_!"

"Okay, fine. But be back before ten!"

Peter pulled a sweater on over his spiderman costume. "Yeah, thanks, bye!" He crashed out the basement door and ran into an alley around the corner.

If anyone were to follow him, they would have found nothing but a sweater and a note saying, _Parker, P. Found it on the way to save the world. From, your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman_.

§

Kurt landed on the side of the empire state building. "Ooh ooh ah ah," he said dryly. "Roar, I'm King Kong."

To add to the effect, a helicopter swerved around the side of the building, a spotlight shining into his eyes. "Wonderbar," Kurt called out, "all set for the next King Kong cover!"

"Don't move," a tinny voice said over a loudspeaker, "we have you surrounded."

"And just what makes you think I speak English, herr policeman?" Kurt called, taking a dive off the side of the building and disappearing.

§

_God, what is_ with _this guy? Can't he just stay still for five seconds?_ Peter – Spiderman, rather – swung back to the top of the empire state building, and peered out at the night. Across the city on top of yet another apartment block he could just make out a puff of smoke. "Gotcha," he muttered, and jumped out over the traffic.

§

Kurt shook his head yet again. "Ha!" he yelled. "Once again die tuefel outwits the authorities!"

"Not so fast, man," a voice said in his ear, sweeping him off the rooftop and into the air. "'Die – ah, die toothill may outwit the authorities, but he can never outwit Spiderman."

Kurt yelled and kicked Spiderman right where he knew he'd never want to be kicked, and flipped over in mid air when Spiderman dropped him. "Later, Spidey," he called. "A master superhero can never outthink a former master superhero." And he teleported again – right back to the place he never wanted to go.

_Bayville, West Chester, New York State_

Kurt cracked his knuckles before hammering on the door of the boarding house. "What," Lance said upon opening the door. Then, "Oh crap," and "please don't kill me, she's the one who started it!"

"Was?" Kurt said, confused.

"She likes you better than me, all I wanted was to see her happy, please don't hurt me for it, I'll take her back, just don't hurt me!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Dumping…Kitty…" Lance whispered.

"Oh, that." Kurt shook his head. "That's nothing. She's – she's over it. Over you." He couldn't help but find comfort in the look of sadness upon Lance's face. He pushed past Lance and into the house. "Is there a spare room anywhere?"

"Huh?"

"I'm… I'm quitting the X-Men. I want to join the Brotherhood."

GASP! Dun dun dun! What will happen now? Will the rest of the Brotherhood accept Kurt? Will the X-Men try to get him back? Not forgetting the teenagers in the café, Spiderman, and the recovered memory… find out! Next time on Ask Me No Questions!

PS. Sorry if Lance was a little out of character, I just thought it would be funny if he thought Kurt was out to get him for making Kitty sad.


	5. Chapter 4 12: Spidey meets Muds

4 ½

Encounters of the Gorillaz Kind

"Excuse me, coming through, coming through…" Spiderman elbowed his was through the croud. "Has anyone seen a blue fuzzy demon-type thing come this way?"

"'E went that way," growled a strong English accent.

"Thanks," Spiderman said, glancing at the guy who said it and shooting web at the same time. Too late, he realised who it was.

§

"That was… very unlike you," Russ said, scratching his head.

"Thanks," Murdoc scowled. "Now, if you'd kindly forget all about it, I'd like to scrub my brain clean so I forget that I ever helped a superhero."

"SPIDERMAN! SPIDERMAN! DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER CAN!" Noodle was dancing around the lot of them. "SPINS A WEB! ANY SIZE! CATCHES THIEVES! JUST LIKE FLIES! LOOK OUT! HERE COMES THE SPIDERMAAAAAAAN!"

2D was in a state of shock. "'At was Spiderman, 'at was," he said, mouth hanging open. "Spiderman just asked you for directions. Spiderman!"

"IS HE STRONG? LISTEN, BUD! HE'S GOT RADIOACTIVE BLOOD! CAN HE SWING FROM A THREAD? TAKE A LOOK OVERHEAD! HEY THERE! THERE GOES THE SPIDERMAN!" Noodle continued over 2D.

"Shut up, faceache," Murdoc grunted. Just as an upside-down red mask with black 'web' and huge white eyes dropped infront of his face. "ARGH!" he yelled, jumping back.

Noodle stopped singing, at "IN THE CHILL OF NIGHT, AT THE SCENE OF A CRIME! LIKE A STREAK OF LIGHT, HE ARRIVES JUST... IN… time…?"

"OhmygoshisthatreallyMurdoc,MurdocNiccalsohmyGODwhatareyoudoinginNewYorkI'myourbiggestfancanIhaveyourautographPLEEEAAASE?"

Murdoc just stood there, eye twitching slightly, mouth hanging open.

"Please?"

"Murdoc says yes," Russ said quickly, handing Murdoc a piece of paper and a pen, accidentally-on-purpose 'bumping' him with his elbow.

"Uh, er, yeah, okay." Murdoc scribbled down something he didn't even know he was writing, and handed the paper to Spiderman.

"THANKS!" Spiderman screamed, webbed a building, and was gone.

"Tha' was… weird. Comin' from some'un who's seen zombies an' shared a bathroom wit' you lot, I mean," 2D mumbled, just as Noodle started to sing again.

"SPIDERMAN, SPIDERMAN! FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDERMAN! WEALTH AND FAME, HE'S IGNORED! ACTION IS HIS REWARD! TO HIM, LIFE IS A GREAT BIG GANG-UP! WHEREVER THERE'S A HANGUP! YOU'LL FIND THE SPIDERMAN!"

§

Spiderman was shaking. "I just failed to catch an evil demon monster thing. BUT I'VE GOT MURDOC NICCAL'S AUTOGRAPH! I'M SOOOOOO COOL!"

He didn't even care that people were staring at him. After all, when you're a superhero, that's what people do.


End file.
